Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas songs for shrinks

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear

Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are!

Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

Paranoia: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get Me

Mania: Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!

Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting On an Open Fire

Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (then took away)

- Unknown

If you'd like to play around with some Christmas song titles while you wait for relatives, or to play in your head as you listen to Aunt Bethelda's sixth retelling of her colonoscopy, Wikipedia has a list of Christmas Carols , non-religious Christmas songs , secular songs associated with Christmas . Here are the most common ones (or ones I recognize anyway):

"Angels We Have Heard on High"
"Away in a Manger"
"Deck the Halls"
"Do You Hear What I Hear?"
"The First Nowell"Go Tell It on the Mountain"
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
"Good King Wenceslas"
"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
"Here We Come A-Wassailing"
"I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day"
"I Saw Three Ships (Come Sailing In)"
"It Came Upon the Midnight Clear"
"Joy to the World"
"The Little Drummer Boy" ("Carol of the Drum")
"O Holy Night"
"O Little Town of Bethlehem"
"O Tannenbaum" ("O Christmas Tree")
"Silent Night" ("Stille Nacht! heilige Nacht!")
"The Twelve Days of Christmas"
"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"
"We Three Kings Of Orient Are" ("Three Kings of Orient")
"What Child Is This?"

"A Holly Jolly Christmas"
"All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"
"The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)"
"Feliz Navidad"
"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
"I'll Be Home for Christmas"
"It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas"
"It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year"
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"
"Silver and Gold"
"Silver Bells"
"(There's No Place Like) Home for the Holidays"
"Up On the House Top"
"White Christmas"

"Frosty the Snowman"
"Jingle Bell Rock"
"Jingle Bells"
"Let It Snow"
"Winter Wonderland"

I will not suggest you try the games listed at Poop Wars where you replace one of the words with poop or add "in bed" or "under the sheets" after the title. That would be just too irreverent, regardless of the fact that a preacher's daughter told me she did the "under the sheets" one with hymns to entertain herself during services.

Happy Holidays!

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