Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Supreme World Dictator

The position of world dictator is open. Your favorite bad guy (or good guy who may think he or she can do a better job!) wants the position.

Write his or her resume. Here's an example, though there are loads on line.

Address -- Phone -- email


Company, Location

Some words that can spice up the achievements:
  • Commended by _____ for _____
  • Negotiated
  • Coordinated
  • Managed
  • Developed
  • Directed
  • Established
  • Monitored
  • Acquired
  • Cultivated
  • Delegated
  • Personally
  • Organized
  • Prepared
  • Planned

College, Location
Degree, Year



Thursday, December 25, 2008


Take a bizarre happening (that later turned out to be extraordinary) and write about it with an eye for the absurd. Some suggestions: Visitor to some baby born in a stable. Neighbor watching Noah build a friggin' boat in his back yard. A couple of nerds named Steve thinking they can build a computer in their garage.

More contemporary world than usual, but the card still has me chuckling. You can see more of Dave Malki's cards. (Click on each one to open.) He also uploads a comic each Tuesday and Friday. You can also see just his Holiday Comics from Years Past.

And here's something from the Churches Advertising Network's 2007 Christmas campaign while you wait for people to get moving so you can open presents. Funny and irreverent but not offensive. (Well it was a Church advertisement!)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas songs for shrinks

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear

Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are!

Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

Paranoia: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get Me

Mania: Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!

Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting On an Open Fire

Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (then took away)

- Unknown

If you'd like to play around with some Christmas song titles while you wait for relatives, or to play in your head as you listen to Aunt Bethelda's sixth retelling of her colonoscopy, Wikipedia has a list of Christmas Carols , non-religious Christmas songs , secular songs associated with Christmas . Here are the most common ones (or ones I recognize anyway):

"Angels We Have Heard on High"
"Away in a Manger"
"Deck the Halls"
"Do You Hear What I Hear?"
"The First Nowell"Go Tell It on the Mountain"
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
"Good King Wenceslas"
"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
"Here We Come A-Wassailing"
"I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day"
"I Saw Three Ships (Come Sailing In)"
"It Came Upon the Midnight Clear"
"Joy to the World"
"The Little Drummer Boy" ("Carol of the Drum")
"O Holy Night"
"O Little Town of Bethlehem"
"O Tannenbaum" ("O Christmas Tree")
"Silent Night" ("Stille Nacht! heilige Nacht!")
"The Twelve Days of Christmas"
"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"
"We Three Kings Of Orient Are" ("Three Kings of Orient")
"What Child Is This?"

"A Holly Jolly Christmas"
"All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"
"The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)"
"Feliz Navidad"
"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
"I'll Be Home for Christmas"
"It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas"
"It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year"
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"
"Silver and Gold"
"Silver Bells"
"(There's No Place Like) Home for the Holidays"
"Up On the House Top"
"White Christmas"

"Frosty the Snowman"
"Jingle Bell Rock"
"Jingle Bells"
"Let It Snow"
"Winter Wonderland"

I will not suggest you try the games listed at Poop Wars where you replace one of the words with poop or add "in bed" or "under the sheets" after the title. That would be just too irreverent, regardless of the fact that a preacher's daughter told me she did the "under the sheets" one with hymns to entertain herself during services.

Happy Holidays!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

On Comet!

The idea of Santa has spread with humanity into space onto alien worlds. Santa was already taxed to the max trying to deliver all the presents to the earthlings. Now he finds the task impossible. In fact he frightens some of the children on other planets with his naked pink skin and the fuzzy white growth on his face. What's the solution? Pick one planet, or come up with a master plan.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Winter crime watch

Write a winter crime report about a snowman.
Paste it in at The Newspaper Clipping Generator or Create Fake Newspaper Clippings. (The second generated two different styles at one time, but only one works at the moment.)

Come up with a name for your newspaper, a title, then click Generate! and create a fake newspaper clipping.

Wing it or if you need some words to get started, try these:


(There are several more generators at the fodey site. I especially like the clapboard. He also has The Generator Blog (over 1000, listed down the left side). Featured at the time of this post, the Self Cutting generator.)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


It's well after Thanksgiving and there's still 10 pounds of turkey left and you're thinking that if you ever see turkey on your plate again there had better not be sharp implements within your reach. For 5-10 minutes brainstorm ideas of what to do with leftover turkey (including the carcass if you'd like.) It doesn't need to be for eating purposes!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Stoned troll

This is the end of the story. Or is it the beginning?

That's a full size Volkswagen beneath its hand. Was there anyone in it? Were the passengers victims of the troll or part of the plan to immobilize it. Have they been turned to stone too?

Who is on top of the troll? What are they up to?

Is the troll still alive?

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Crazy ideas

When asked the eternal question: "Where do you get your ideas?" the science fiction writer Roger Zelazny always replied "Every night I leave out milk and cookies. In the morning they're gone -- but there are loads of crazy ideas in their place!"

So who is leaving the ideas? What kind of being is it? Where does he or she get them? Why do they trade ideas for cookies? Are ideas cheap and cookies rare where they come from? Is there a catch?

Thursday, December 04, 2008


Random words coming up! Here's some ideas on how to use them:
  • A description of someone or something.
  • An advertisement.
  • A poem of 3 lines, each using one of the words. Perhaps haiku.
  • A longer poem.
  • The title of a book, chapter, movie, song.
  • An opening paragraph.
  • A closing paragraph.
  • A cryptic note dropped by someone.
  • A headline.
  • A snatch of conversation.
  • A 15 minute story with beginning, middle and end. Perhaps the first word drives the beginning, the second the middle, the last the end.
  • A telegram.
  • The subject line of an email.
  • The description of a menu item.
If you're doing a story or poem and want to try to come up with a character or scene first, take a moment before reading on.


The words are from Three Word Wednesday. 3 new words every Wednesday. At the blog if you click on the submissions, you can see the variety of ways people used the words.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Quiz time!

Did your NaNo generate a lot of characters you'd like to find out more about? Do you have a collection of characters from past stories you're fond of and would like to work with again?

This character quiz is modified from one by Cat Bowen (~DrowElfRocker) on Deviantart. I liked the random comparisons she had going so replaced a few of the single character questions with more combinations.

First, list 12 of your characters in no particular order. They can be from one story or from several.

Then, answer the questions:

  1. Who would make a better college professor, 6 or 11? What subject would they teach?

  2. What personality trait do 4 and 11 have in common?

  3. 12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?

  4. If 5 and 9 were trapped in a elevator together, who would be the first to crack?

  5. Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?

  6. For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should he share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10?

  7. 2, 7 and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?

  8. 3 challenges 10 to a duel. Why and what happens?

  9. If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would she/he get it back?

  10. Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.

  11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?

  12. If 5 and 6 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along? Which would you most feel like killing off by the end of the weekend?

  13. If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?

  14. If 7 and 8 had grown up as siblings in a unstable home, who would have turned out the most different? Who would have survived the best?

  15. If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?

  16. Out of all the characters, who would win the beauty portion of the pageant? Who would win the talent portion? And who would win Ms./Mr. Congeniality?

  17. Who would make the best superhero: 3, 9 or 11? Who would make the best supervillain? What would their super powers be?

  18. 1, 6, and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?

  19. What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?

  20. Who is most likely to be arrested 4 or 10? For what?

  21. 6 finds out 5's secret. What happens?

  22. If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?

  23. If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?

  24. 1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's secret Organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but is later discovered that he is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advise of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest.

    -What title would you give this fic?

Monday, December 01, 2008

Top 10 Tabloid Headlines for December 2008

Though the Weekly World News no longer exists in print, here's the headlines from the archives of City Newstand in Chicago, for writing prompts or just for fun :-)

I haven't visited the City News Stand for a while but there was this report from The Spring 2008 MAGBAG at the City News Stand:

— Special to the MAGBAG
Unconfirmed reports of new issues of the defunct Weekly World News continue to proliferate. An unemployed farmer claims to have seen an issue on sale at a Piggly Wiggly in Pascagoula, MS and a truck driver says he saw an issue at a truckstop in New Madrid, MO.
The Pascagoula copy was said to have contained the stories, 'ST. VALENTINE & CUPID WERE SECRET LOVERS!', 'JOHN MCCAIN ENDORSED BY UFO ALIEN' and , 'ELEPHANT SHUNNED BY HERD... after making love to a rhino!', while the truck driver could only remembers seeing the headline: 'DOIN' THE JAILHOUSE ROCK... 73-y.o. Elvis had been allowed to fake his death so fans wouldn't know he'd been jailed on drug charges!'
Subsequent trips to both stores found different magazines where the WWN issues had been said to be.

Will the reports of sitings of WWW continue as long as the reports of Elvis?

Top 10 Tabloid Headlines from DECEMBER 1998
  1. Raging elephants eat town's mail! -- WWN
  2. Man chokes to death while eating his hat! -- WWN
  5. Man tracks down long-lost father -- & blows him away! -- WWN
  6. $10,000 TRAINED FROG HOPS INTO TOILET BOWL -- and gets flushed down the commode! -- WWN
  7. Millions of frogs invading Iran! -- WWN
  9. Arab terrorists using suicide apes against Israeli targets! -- WWN

Most Recent WWW News