Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Top 10 tabloid headlines for January 2008

wwnangleofdeath.gifThey're back! While the Weekly World News is no more* :-( (though it is still on line), the City Newstand list goes back to 1998 so I'll post from the beginning until they run out.

Top Ten Tabloid Headlines from JANUARY 1998
  1. BELIEVE IT OR NOT . . . CONDOMS FOR DOGS! -- WWN
  2. WARNING: Someone may be snorting your grandmother! Teens sniffing human ashes to get high! -- WWN
  3. Americans have the smartest dogs in the world! -- WWN
  4. TALKING PARROT FINGERS HIT MAN -- SUN
  5. COLLIE BIT MAN'S TESTICLES OFF -- TWO WEEKS AFTER HE HAD THE DOG NEUTERED -- WWN
  6. Doctor vows to clone Elvis from a mole removed in 1961! -- WWN
  7. Werewolf sues boss for time off during full moon! -- WWN
  8. BEWARE! Squirrel brains can kill you! -- WWN
  9. MIRACLE CABBAGE CURES THE SICK! -- WWN
  10. WIFE USED HUBBY'S TOOTHBRUSH -- TO CLEAN THE COMMODE! -- WWN

* Ah, but there have been sightings! According to the City Newsstand:

From the December 2007 MAGBAG:

MORE NEW ISSUES OF THE WEEKLY WORLD NEWS?

— Special to the MAGBAG
More unconfirmed reports of new issues of the defunct Weekly World News have proliferated in recent weeks. A housewife claims she saw a Nov. 16 issue on sale at a Wawa in Egg Harbor, NJ and an Elvis impersonator swears he saw a Nov. 2 issue at a Terrible's in Henderson, Nevada.

The Egg Harbor copy was said to have contained the stories, 'SANTA'S ELVES REALLY SLAVES FROM THE PLANET MARS!', 'UFO ALIEN NO LONGER VISITS BUSH... nor admits to ever having done so' and , 'PACK OF WILD COCKER SPANIELS TERRORIZES WYOMING!', while the Elvis impersonator could only remember one headline from the edition he saw: 'Elvis is
Alive and Pretending to be an Elvis Impersonator in Henderson, Nevada!'

Subsequent trips to both stores found empty racks where the new issues had been said to be.
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