It was a dark and stormy night ...

In honor of the month where the goal is word count rather than greatness, write a really bad opening sentence for one or more of the following categories:

• General fiction
  
• Adventure
  
• Children's literature
  
• Detective fiction
  
• Fantasy fiction
  
• Historical fiction
  
• Purple prose
  
• Romance
  
• Science fiction
  
• Vile puns
  
• Western

and if you wish:

• Salute to Breasts

I didn't make that up! The categories are from the famous Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton who penned the infamous line that Snoopy was so fond of:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

The challenge of the contest is to come up with the worst opening line. There are examples from the 2006 winners and all the Grand prize winners back to 1983. If you'd like to submit your entry (they take submissions all year long for the final decision in April or June), check out the rules and guidelines for submission.